Tonight I want to talk about how to stop making excuses and take responsibility.
Excuses are the reasons we give ourselves to avoid solving the problem.
They are very very dangerous because we lose control and power over the problem. Actually, we give the control and power to the “Excuses”.
It is as if we are standing here and the excuses are over there, out of our reach. So, we can not solve the problem. We are powerless.
It is also very dangerous because excuses may be very real to our circumstances and thus very believable.
Let me give you an example.
For instance, I may say to myself:
“I don’t like my job and I have no motivation whatsoever to go to work”.
Then Sunday evening comes and I feel this tightness in my chest. I have anxiety, fear and I am stressed out dreading Monday morning and
the rest of the week. When I go to work I just go through the motions. So, the days and weeks drag on. I feel completely powerless.
Then I say to myself
“But there is nothing I can do really because it’s not the right time to look for a job”.
“It’s not the right time because of all the uncertainty that is going on now”.
“Also I need the money because I have responsibilities, I have to pay my bills and I have a family”.
They are all excuses, very real, very plausible but they are still excuses.
And you feel completely powerless.
Now in order to solve the problem, you have to get rid of the excuses. You must have the control and the power back. So, you can move on with your life.
And you do so with language.
Changing your language.
The first thing you do is to get rid of “but” and “because”.
Everything that comes after “but” and “because” is an excuse.
You justify the problem instead of solving it. Instead, focus on the problem by reducing the language.
So the problem is, in the example case: “I don’t like my job”.
Make it a very short and very simple sentence.
Then ask yourself three questions.
You need to go inside to find the answer to these questions and to find the solution to the problem.
So the first question is:
For what purpose are you staying in the job?
If the first thing that comes into your mind is “because”, then this is an excuse.
Stop and ask a second question, deep inside.
And the second question is:
What is the real purpose of staying in the job?
And if the first thing that comes to mind is “I don’t know”, then that is also an excuse because we do know. We do know the purpose of doing things, otherwise, we wouldn’t do them. Otherwise, we wouldn’t get out of bed.
So, we know the reasons. We may not like it, we may feel uncomfortable with the answer, but we do know. So if you keep getting “I don’t know”, you need to go deeper.
You have to ask
“what is the deep purpose of staying in the job I don’t like”?
Keep asking that until you get the answer.
When you get the answer, even though the process might be challenging and uncomfortable, you get the control and the power back to taking action
towards solving the problem.
That is a reward, a result. It is Freedom.
Now if this feels like your name is written on it, if you feel like I am talking directly to you, then let’s have a chat.
You can sign up for a free consultation or you can send me a message and we can talk more about it.